Music & Mental Health
My first time making music would have to be wrapped up in a story told to me by my mother. The story goes that I took out all the pots and pans from the bottom drawer and started to bang on them as a child (less than 5 years old). I suppose that making noise was the entry point into what my childhood sense must have thought was “music” at that time, and likely experimenting with being aware of having arms that could reach only so high up while my mother was cooking.
Fast forward to elementary school and my parents decided to enroll me in piano lessons. Initially, I enjoyed these lessons. That was until it started to feel less about creativity and more about memorizing scales which did not interest me as much. I slowly started to see that piano was not for me. I tried the recorder as well in school, which was slightly more interesting however, again practicing was not my forte. In high school, I joined band and learned to play clarinet for two years which was enjoyable but still something was missing. Woodwinds was fun however the intensity of expression just was not there. Participating in high school band however was extremely formative and begun my character development, not to mention feeling part of something larger than myself.
My first concert I attended was Our Lady Peace when I was in high school. I had won tickets through a local radio station (102.1 The Edge) from a random contest I had entered. Best Buy had bought out the Scotia Bank Arena (it was called the Air Canada Centre back then) and I was able to attend with a friend. I was excited, nervous and filled with anticipation of hearing one of my favourite bands at that time. Throughout my high school days, I would attend numerous other local shows (mainly independent artists from the GTA) with it expanding into supporting my local university with their Campus events meeting artists like Sam Roberts. I remember purchasing tickets to see the Warped Tour in 2003 however spraining my ankle and needing to give up the tickets. My musical tastes over the years have also been influenced by people I’ve met and the artists they have introduced me to. Music has always been about connecting with a feeling beyond myself and has always helped me in my life.
When I think back to the first time hearing specific songs, I can place how old I was, where I was living and what was going on at the time in my life. Thinking about music as an anchor to supporting a felt sense of connection can be motivating. Getting curious about what music inspires you or helps you to get through difficult times can also be helpful. Not all music makes us feel the same way. Sometimes music can become associated with strong memories, some of which we no longer want to recall at a specific moment. Our hippocampus (where our memories are stored) and amygdala (where emotions are processed) are activated when listening to music. For example, when I think about Never Ending White Lights (a band) I immediately think back to my undergraduate degree days as that is when I first heard of them. The music is melancholic and for part of my undergraduate degree experience, I was also.
I remember in my 2nd year of university while living in student housing experiencing severe anxiety coupled with depressive symptoms. This is when I sought out therapy for the first time myself. I remember my therapist as well (a Psychology Masters student at the same university as myself). He taught me all about Thought Records, Exposure Therapy and how to challenge my anxious thoughts. The process of walking to campus and attending session weekly and biweekly with him helped me to change my self-concept and capacities. At the same time, music was still a large part of my recovery process. I would attend concerts, listen to live and recorded music, interact with people who played music, even going so far as to interview musicians as part of becoming Editor of my school Social Science newspaper. I knew how important music was for people struggling with their mental health firsthand.
On the flip side once I started working in the mental health field, I saw how sometimes music can both heal and amplify our emotions. For example, if one was already feeling anxious and then a specific song were to come on the radio, one might start to feel like the music was speaking directly to them. I heard this experience from youth I was supporting with early psychosis as well as experienced it myself once listening to a specific Radiohead song. After reality-testing, I was able to see how I interpreted it this way and that I was attributing specific meaning to the song itself. That sense of being connected to something beyond you ran deep within me at the time I was feeling vulnerable.
Music also has been a source of sadness and grief in my life. I can recall moments of listening to specific songs on a way to a funeral, or music I listened to around the time of losing loved ones. I cannot listen to these songs now without being taken back to the feelings associated with that time. It can become very powerful to relive but also to know you survived a difficult time in your life. Music is also what lead me to finding my partner. Music has helped me to bond with my family. Music is something that continues to intrigue and motivate me going to regular concerts to help sustain my practice of Social Work as well. Feeling part of a tribe as Gavin Rossdale calls it (from the band Bush).
During these stressful times, it is my hope that music can heal. When I go to concerts and see that everyone has that in common and holds space is uplifting and gives me hope. Music is that connector beyond the self and its potential for social change is there and has always been there. Discovering new artists and songs can lead to new connections, experiences and meaning in our lives. It can help us to develop a sense of identity and grow as people.
Ask yourself the following about music and your relationship to it:
1) What songs bring you a sense of deeper connection to yourself? Others?
2) Are there songs that uplift and motivate you to get through challenging circumstances?
3) Are there songs that challenge you and push you to grow as a person and break assumptions of what you thought was possible?
4) Is there a way you can develop a playlist to help you organize your day or make it a bit easier to get through? To relax? To feel whole?
If you’re interested in learning more about how music and psychotherapy potentially interact, I would encourage you to connect with myself. I am always open to discussing the role of music in your life and collaborating on how it can be harnessed to promote your own personal growth and recovery journey.
Sara de Souza, MSW, RSW, Individual & Couples Therapist