Mindfulness Practices
So, this past weekend I attended my second mindfulness meditation retreat at a local Buddhist temple. I had previously posted about attending my 1st the month prior (January 2024). I would like to share a few insights from the current one that I had (February 2024). Please note that this post is not meant to be any endorsement of a particular religion. Mindfulness retreats are open to the public and anyone can attend, free of charge as well. You do not need to be a buddhist.
During the retreat we were seated on small mats on the floor. We were supposed to sit cross legged and had breaks during the day. I found that sitting was the most difficult part for me due to experiencing pain in my body and the need to fidget at times. At times I found that the pain was so uncomfortable that it started to bring on thoughts of quitting altogether and feelings that I was not “good enough”. I remembered that in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) our thoughts influence how we feel and how we act. I reminded myself (and we were reminded by the monk) that it was okay to feel pain and that we were not expected to “be perfect” or to suffer through the pain. I showed compassion towards my body and placed a hand wherever my body hurt telling myself that I would be okay and it too shall pass.
I started to think about pain in general in these moments and how suffering from emotional pain can cause problems in our life. I started to think about how people cope with pain. Pain is one of those topics that many people can relate to. Some pain is gratifying- like pushing through a workout or accomplishing a task you were previously avoiding/thinking you could not do. But, social rejection and humiliation can take longer to heal and process. Being perceived by others can also be a form of pain as you have no control over it. People that feel very anxious can highly dislike being perceived by others as it can cause unwanted pressure to conform. People with very high defences may not recognize their own pain and create a sort of mask to suppress it from surfacing for fear that they may be exploited by being vulnerable. In fact, allowing oneself to be seen for the authentic self is a form of courage in itself.
Narcissists fear allowing their authentic self to come through as their core holds their most inner fears often that they are fundamentally flawed or undesired somehow. Mindfulness and being aware when you might be needing to conserve your energy around a narcissist is very important. The never ending supply needed to sustain a narcissist can leave one feeling empty and exhausted. It is important to be mindful of one’s energy reserve and set boundaries and limits on emotional labour.
Lastly, mindfulness has taught me that experiencing disappointments will continue in life. Nothing is guaranteed and we have to continuously push ourselves forward in time when faced with set backs. Having a good support system (family, friends, acquaintances, online communities, etc) will help you to strengthen your sense of resilience when times are tough. Today, daily stressors seem to be never ending (work, finances, relationships, housing costs, etc). Taking the time for a mindfulness break could look like taking a 5 minute break to do a quick body scan, getting to stretch and check in with your body, or setting stronger boundaries around taking on additional tasks at work if possible.
Even the act of mindful walking can help you to stay in the present moment and to slow down and relax. You can start by noticing the feeling of lifting your foot and placing it down. You could also add something like “I am at home and at peace” as a form of a mantra while walking. If you notice thoughts entering your mind simply allowing them to come and go and return to the mantra and noticing the sensation of walking is a form of mindfulness. We practiced this during the day as a group and I could notice that time flew by, a lot faster than the sitting practice did! Movement is a great way to practice mindfulness, especially as the Spring approaches over the next month or so.
If we can cultivate greater awareness of the present moment we are less worried about our futures or stuck in our pasts and can start to accept ourselves as “okay” and “enough”. Mindfulness is not a cure to everything, but it can complement you as another tool in your tool box when experiencing challenges. It can allow you to not react and instead to respond with greater confidence and clarity. It has the potential for you to show greater kindness towards yourself and compassion when life seems to want to test you, sometimes daily it feels. As stress is often a product of how we view situations, mindfulness allows us to view our thoughts and recognize patterns in our own thinking that might keep us stuck. When accompanied by patience it can make a difference for neurodiverse and neurotypical people alike. I would also recommend exploring online Youtube videos about mindfulness and see what works for you.
As always, if you would like support with your mental health via psychotherapy, please contact me via my website. I offer free 15 minute consultations.
Sara de Souza, MSW, RSW
Individual & Couples Therapist