Mindfulness & Art

So, this past weekend I will have attended my first mindfulness retreat at a local Buddhist Temple. I decided to sign up for this full day retreat to dive deeper into learning more about my mind and the ways that it can cause greater suffering or alleviate it and how. Previously, the closest thing to a retreat was attending a solo spiritual retreat on Bowen Island, Vancouver in my early 20s (the first time travelling solo as well out of Ontario). My intention is to learn how to show up with more self-love and compassion when my mind goes to darker places (frustration, disappointment, anger, self-doubt, etc). I also want to remember techniques that work for me so that I can bring them into my private practice to strengthen how I authentically show up for my clients.

As a therapist, the process of ‘holding space’ for a client to let go of the barriers to self-disclosure and ‘feeling seen’ require a combination of authenticity, kindness, techniques and bravery. Witnessing someone become vulnerable to another human is not a practice I take lightly. I try my best to hold the space, and thus the client’s story, with the utmost respect and kindness while also gently encouraging exploring alternative frameworks for looking at situations which might be maintaining a client’s suffering.

Art is something that can assist with this “alternative perspective”. In clinical speak, it normally is called “cognitive reframing” or as I like to call it, “shifting perspective” and can be a tool to explore ways to move forward from the stuck points we experience (and the ways we may unconsciously maintain the underlying painful emotions). One such stuck point is a fear of failure a.k.a. “perfectionism”. I have experienced this feeling and would like to discuss it here vis a vis the framework of art.

The last time I made a canvas based painting was in 2022. I have done predominately sketches since then, but not any canvas work. I did not formally study art and it has been a process to even call myself a “lovingly amateur artist”. I have avoided making canvas based work for a few reasons but the major reason is the lack of feeling “a spark”. For some reason canvas based art requires much more effort to me than using a sketch book and drawing something that only takes a few hours or less. Canvas work historically usually takes a full day as I normally finish it in one setting and have a habit of never returning back to the painting for “touch ups”. The reason my process is like this is that I see each piece as having a finite amount of time to be expressed, it feels like water being poured out of me and I dont dig any deeper nor want to in any way as it would feed my perfectionism in my opinion (also no two canvas are the same dimension). I have thought that “waiting” for the “the spark” was a requirement to making art, but it does not have to be. True artists allow themselves to experiment with feeling playful with their mediums and finding curiosity about the world in which we live. That is what matters more to me now. Finding the ability to be playful & curios sometimes can become challenging in our modern world when we only have so much capacity or energy.

In addition, art has become very much linked with receiving tattoos for me as well. In December 2023, I got inked for the first time and will again in February 2024 (and likely continuing into the future). I created part of my 1st tattoo and came up with the design before the tattoo artist permanently etched it to my skin. I was partially inspired by other images I have seen and one of them is the lotus flower. The lotus flower itself is a very powerful symbol of transformation & change. I believe that the lotus can symbolize that through darkness growth is possible. The lotus flower grows from muddy waters and emerges with its petals transformed by the darkness and fed by the search for the light through an instinctual process of needing to grow.

Humans are similar to lotuses in the way that pain/suffering/grief/disappointment can transform us if we cultivate healthy ways to understand its lessons. We can choose to become and in some circumstances hide parts of ourselves from others for fear that being seen will somehow destroy us, when in reality this is not true. When we disconnect from our authentic selves, we are like turtles going into our shells to protect ourselves. But, we cannot live our life like this all the time. I know as when I was a student in my early 20s I tried doing this willingly as I was fearful of a lot of things. It was only through pushing myself and “exposing” myself to what I actually feared (and with the guidance of a knowledgable psychotherapist at that time) that I learned to come out of my proverbial shell again and express myself after experiencing psychological strife. Anxiety, depression, pain, etc can catalyze “going into” the shell but love, support, kindness, non-judgement, forgiveness can help catalyze “coming out” of the shell and into our authentic selves.

In psychological terms we can choose to look for “glimmers” or opportunities of experiencing gratitude, joy, happiness, safety, nourishment, creativity, fulfillment and actively savour these experiences. The glimmers can help heal our nervous system and the more consistent we get at finding them daily, we allow ourselves the opportunity to break the chain that low energy/anxiety/depression/ negative thought loops can have on our minds, hearts & relationships.

Mindfulness is not always about meditation. It can be about self-reflection and clearing away the “dust” that obscures our true self. The “dust” that society creates (disempowerment, rejection, gaslighting, trauma, etc). We need to process the experiences in supported and safe ways and unlearn some of the detritus that was left from the pain. We are not the pain itself, we are learning its lessons. It is especially important during times of conflict, that we dig deep into our values and lead from a place of courage and self-love and with integrity.

If you ever want to explore mindfulness I highly encourage you to just take the time to look into it. I will hopefully be sharing more insights about the retreat in time, but these are just a few of my thoughts for now. As always, if you would like to receive support in your wellness journey feel free to contact myself.

Be well

Sara de Souza, MSW, RSW

Individual & Couples Therapist