Dec 6th Memorial
Today marks Dec 6th, over 30 years have passed since the Polytechnique Montréal massacre occurred on Dec 6th, 1989 where 14 women were killed. The Canadian government has marked this day as National Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women. While I was still only a toddler at that time, Dec 6th was a day that took on more significance in high school and university. When I was in high school, my Vice Principal was murdered by her husband. It was a shock to the entire school community. I had not known anyone up until that point to be killed let alone someone I had interacted with a few times. I learned at that point that gender based violence could impact anyone.
Fast forward to university now and I was completing my 3rd year. I started to get involved with the Anti-Violence Network and become part of organizing events including Dec 6th vigil. Many community organizations came together to show that they were united in ending gender based violence. It was hopeful.
As someone who believes that domestic violence, intimate partner violence, harassment, sexual assault, narcissistic abuse, etc are all forms of violence, I want to re-commit to ensuring that those I care about are listened to. I hope that learning about ways to protect ourselves from violence including learning how to communicate our needs, desires and wishes are respected. There are so many ways that we can support and uplift each other and challenge each other to do better.
Lastly, this is also a day of unlearning for me. There are many toxic beliefs as a woman growing up that held me back including the belief that if you have nothing polite to say don’t say anything at all. It is important to speak your truth and if it’s inconvenient then so be it. You need to safely articulate your feelings and if people do not respect them then it’s worth considering what you are getting in staying in that situation. Ending a relationship that is toxic is the best thing you can do for yourself. Learning that you might have been in a toxic relationship is also the best thing you can do for yourself. Let go with love and respect for yourself first and foremost. Leaving isn’t always easy and you may need supports as well as to consider a safety plan.
If you have experienced toxic relationships, violence or trauma it is also important to heal. Please reach out to me if you would like assistance and I will consult with you on your options. You deserve to feel healthy & whole.
Sara de Souza, MSW, RSW
Individual & Couples Therapist
Resources for Ontario (if you are in immediate danger, call 911)
Assaulted Women’s Helpline- 1-866-863-0511
Seniors 24/7 Safety Line: 1-866-299-1011
Fem'aide 24/7 Support Line: 1-877-336-2433 (French only)
Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse 24/7 Crisis Line: 1-866-887-0015
Ontario 24/7 Community and Social Services Helpline: 211
Talk4Healing 24/7 Helpline for Indigenous Women: 1-855-554-4325
Victim 24/7 Support Line: 1-888-579-2888